{"id":2159,"date":"2026-07-14T14:23:00","date_gmt":"2026-07-14T14:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/?p=2159"},"modified":"2026-07-18T19:30:49","modified_gmt":"2026-07-18T19:30:49","slug":"w-a-p","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/?p=2159","title":{"rendered":"W.A.P."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Thrashing through bed linens,
I battle to shield my ears
from wailing waves of woe.
\u201cSIRI! STOP<\/em> 'DIANA\u2019S ALARM!'\u201d <\/strong>
I scream, beg.

\u201cYou want me to \u2018Stop Diana\u2019s Alarm?\u2019\u201d
Siri clarifies, an edge 
of condescension 
cresting her consonants.

\u201cYES<\/strong>!\u201d 
I beg, burying my head.

\u201cGot it!\u201d She replies, 
before falling silent 
without further action.

The unwelcome sirens 
permeate my skull.
UGhhhhh!!!<\/strong>
I groan.

\u201cAlarm OFF<\/strong>! 
\u201cSiri, turn the alarm<\/strong>
on 'Diana\u2019s phone' 
\u201cOFF!!!<\/strong>\u201d
I slice my syllables
through the air, wielding a verbal stiletto
(the Italian dagger, not Runway<\/em> kind)
to penetrate the deep chasm of
human-to-artificial intelligence.

\u201c\u2018Turn off the alarm on Diana\u2019s iPhone?\u2019\u201d
She parrots.
\u201cGot<\/strong><\/em> it!\u201d 
She cheers herself on.

An unseen hand pulls
an aural plug from its socket;
the room empties
of concussive throbs.
The pulsing crescendo 
disappears, as if magic.

As if 
all I had to do, 
was ask. 
Thrice.

Now she's gaslighting me.
Siri, my betrayer, 
is not a Woman's Woman.

Mgphhh! <\/strong>I scream, 
my anger lightly muffled
in the wrinkles of warm pillow 
into which I've burrowed my face.

The floor pulls me;
Gravity is still \u2018on\u2019 today.
 
My face contorts like
a savannah lionness;
I grimace and yawn
and summon life into my lungs.

Time to join the greater world:
\u201cHey Siri, play \u2018W-A-M-U radio<\/strong>,\u2019\u201d 
I request, forcing a slight smile, plastered
and a veil of patience. 
My honeyed voice is crystalline at its core.

\u201cOn it!\u201d <\/strong>
Siri responds, 
her pseudo voice 
set to frienmesis<\/em> mode.

Siri, undaunted, declares:
\u201cPlaying \u2018W.A.P featuring Megan Thee Stallion by Cardi B.\u2019\u201d 
It\u2019s official; 
she\u2019s cackling up at me 
from AI Hell.

My bedroom, 
brilliant with Eastern rays,
now swarms 
with the dulcet chant of 
a morning mantra manifested 
by bits and bytes, 
just for me:

\ud83c\udfb6THERE\u2019S WHORES<\/em> IN THIS HOUSE!
THERE\u2019S SOME WHORES<\/em> IN THIS HOUSE!
THERE\u2019s SOME WHORES<\/em> IN THIS HOUSE! 
(Hol\u2019 up!)\ud83c\udfb6

My jaw aches 
from sudden displacement
as my mouth drops open in shock.
The AI-dacity.

\ud83c\udfb6I SAID CERTIFIED FREAK<\/em>! 
SEVEN DAYS A WEEK<\/em>!
WET AND GUSHY<\/em>, 
MAKE THAT PULL-OUT GAME WEAK<\/em>
WOO! 
AH!!!<\/em>\ud83c\udfb6

Rolling my eyes, 
admitting defeat,
I add in a little twerk 
to my zombie stumble 
out of the sheets.

If I'm barred from beaming the news, 
I guess I\u2019ll dance with the divas.

Message received, Siri.
\u201c\u2018Got it!\u2019\u201d<\/strong> I shout.







<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cW.A.P.,\u201d written Tuesday, July 14, poem 195 in a series of 365 poems written by Diana Ludwick in 2026. Photo, “Slippery When Wet,” by Diana Ludwick (c) 2026.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2161,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,262,311,200,887,1244,271,2,263,551],"tags":[1937,1927,1928,113,1933,1926,1936,1925,1932,1935,9,1558,1924,308,1930,1929,1921,1931,134,1934,1440,1923,1922],"class_list":["post-2159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2026-poetry-challenge","category-dry-humor","category-generational","category-humor","category-loosely-hinged","category-perimenopause","category-petty","category-poems","category-snarky","category-unserious","tag-ai-dacity","tag-alarm","tag-bed-linens","tag-cardi-b","tag-certified-freak","tag-dance","tag-defeat","tag-divas","tag-gaslighting","tag-got-it","tag-humor","tag-july","tag-megan-thee-stallion","tag-npr","tag-runway-magazine","tag-sheets","tag-siri","tag-stiletto","tag-summer","tag-theres-some-wh-in-this-house","tag-this-is-funny","tag-w-a-p","tag-wamu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2159"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2159\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2163,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2159\/revisions\/2163"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}