{"id":2173,"date":"2026-07-18T22:01:54","date_gmt":"2026-07-18T22:01:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/?p=2173"},"modified":"2026-07-19T22:59:47","modified_gmt":"2026-07-19T22:59:47","slug":"nice-melons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/?p=2173","title":{"rendered":"Melons"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
To:<\/strong> Ms.Emily Post


Dear Emily,

Please do help me 
in my hour of need.
What is the correct, proper way 
to respond when your 
neighbor-slash-walking 
partner-slash friend
exclaims, in front of a stranger:

\u201cWhoa! Your breasts are GREAT<\/em>! 
\u201cHow have I never seen them before???\u201d <\/strong>

For further context, 
in this situation you are topless
freshly undressed 
for a couples massage
\u2014 make that two separate massages 
at the same time in the same room \u2014 
and you are in the midst of 
that three-second jump 
from the locker area 
to the massage table 
and you are exposed 
for the slimmest of seconds 
and yet attract 
all the attention in the room?
And you\u2019re only there
in this surreality
because you\u2019d 
already gotten your 
dip mani on Monday
and you didn\u2019t need to go 
to the nail salon again 
for her appointment on Thursday
and you didn\u2019t have it in you 
to meet for drinks 
on Friday night 
after the Pajama-ing Hour.
and yet 
you still want to bond
and reunite 
after three weeks
of being countries apart
from your shared exercise
and gossiping routine.
So you settle on:
\u201cYes, sure!
\u201cI\u2019ll attend a massage with you.
\u201cWhy not!\u201d 

Because, Ms. Post, 
in the dim candlelight
of a Thai massage room
here I am with my bosom friend. 
And she has given 
my untethered pair a shout-out.
And I need to know, 
like, now.

And I know you uphold
A triad of principles: 
Respect, Honesty, Consideration. 
So with that 
I have prepared two options:

Do I go with, option A:
\u201cThanks! I dunno, they\u2019re fine<\/em>\u201d\u2014

Or do I slay with option B: 
\u201cI know, riiiiiiiiiiggggght<\/strong><\/em>?!\u201d 

What is the most polite reply?
 
And am I meant to follow up with:
\u201cAnd your<\/em> boobs are great, too!\u201d

Or do I just cover myself 
with the crisp lilac-scented sheet 
and pretend that
this never happened?

I don\u2019t remember 
reading about this
in your etiquette book, 
so your insights 
are most kindly appreciated.

Ever yours,
Busted in the Suburbs


P.S.: <\/strong>
Emily, for the record I went with:

\u201cThanks, um, well, um.
\u201cThey\u2019re big right? 
\"I had beef pho on Thursday night; salt retention.
\"Oh that reminds me.
\u201cI had a mammogram on Friday morning.
\"You know, the morning after the Pho?
\"I was water-logged, clearly.
\"So the technician had to redo both sides, 
and size up, she had to grab the BIG<\/em> plate!\u201d 
Upon no response, I fell silent.
I hid. Under the blanket.
I then stared through the toilet bowl-shaped face hole 
and wait for three ice ages to pass.
Until both masseuses, and my friend
left the room ninety-four minutes later.

P.P.S.: <\/strong>
This was the rightest answer, right? 
Please? 
Please? 
Right? 
Ms. Post? 
Why aren\u2019t you answering me?
<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cMelons,\u201d written Saturday, July 18, poem 199 in a series of 365 poems written by Diana Ludwick in 2026. Photo, “Nice Melons,” by Diana Ludwick (c) 2026.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2174,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,200,887,2,750,551],"tags":[1963,1971,1962,419,1960,1964,1965,873,120,1973,1558,1969,1959,1958,1968,1967,1974,1972,1966,332,1970,134,1961],"class_list":["post-2173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2026-poetry-challenge","category-humor","category-loosely-hinged","category-poems","category-pun-y-tongue-in-cheek","category-unserious","tag-breasts","tag-busted","tag-candlelit","tag-consideration","tag-couples-massage","tag-emily-post","tag-etiquette","tag-female-relationships","tag-friendships","tag-honesty","tag-july","tag-mammogram","tag-massage","tag-melons","tag-p-p-s","tag-p-s","tag-pajama-ing-hour","tag-respect","tag-riggggggghhhhhtt","tag-stranger","tag-suburbs","tag-summer","tag-thai"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2173","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2173"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2173\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2178,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2173\/revisions\/2178"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2174"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dianaludwick.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}