Just days ago, I waxed poetic
about my deep affection
for your creamy punch in the face,
the Sardinian fishy fabulousness
that spray of lemon
that whoosh of Worcestershire
like smelling salts to the nasal passage,
your golden geometry
of crisp toasts logged
with molten tidal pools of butter
and volcanic geysers of garlicky oil.
How dare you betray me, Caesar.
The audacity, the tragedy.
Your reign of terror, to fall at your hand?
So dark, so devious, that
you brought with you
a Trojan Horse
so sticky and single-celled,
and of such unspeakable origins,
to my high summer table?
Romaine, you ragged ruffian,
how could you sever my trust
like I dispatched your heart's core
from your leafy kingdom?
To think I write you an ode,
a worldwide love note,
and held you aloft,
as a sterling silver
dinglehopper-speared deity!
And now, here, the hardest cruelty:
I have to wait, and and wait and wait
scanning the shores to see,
have you bespited me
with your Cyclops mercenaries,
or will be be Marked Safe
from your wine-dark waves of woe?
And now, while I pucker and clench
in anticipatory fear
of the colonic clutches of Cyclospora,
I must query:
Et tu, Caesar?!
SHAME!
SHAME!
SHAME!
2026 Poetry Challenge - Current Events - Generational - Humor - Loosely Hinged - Loosely Hinged - Poems - Pun-y / Tongue-in-Cheek
