“Neutral, neutral!”
The car wash attendant thrusts his hand urgently
At the instruction board to my left.
My gaze slides towards the sign:
“Put car in NEUTRAL
Windshield wipers OFF
Foot OFF brake
Do NOT touch ANYTHING!”
This automatic cleansing mission is
Typically undertaken by my husband;
I am not savvy in the rules of engagement.
The wipers I managed;
Shifting into Neutral was an unfamiliar
Yet achievable demand.
But removing my leaden foot
From its unremittent grip
Against the brake pedal?
Absurd.
With conscious focus
Halted by cavernous incredulity
I compel myself to release
The intense pressure of my right foot on metal
Until my boot sole lays inert
On the all-weather floor mat.
This is wrong, my body tells me.
You have lost control!
My brain screeches.
The untamed car and I,
We jolt forward, as chain pulley activates.
Physically tethered
Mentally undone and
Awash without sovereignty,
My hands fall limp, off the wheel.
Plunged into darkness
I passively navigate through
Crimson kelp forests,
Row upon row of
Foam fettuccine curtains.
Forcibly at flow
I bobble along as
A roaring sea
Drowns out my cerebral turbulence.
Eyes alight up, out, left, right
As I scan my portholes
Absorbing the bizarre environs.
Psychedelic solvent bubbles
Spurt and swirl
Flow and grow and burst, then fly away.
My shoulders sense defeat
And release their soldier’s attention.
My back slumps, connecting with lumbar cushion,
A rare moment at ease.
Swish
Swoosh
Plunk
Pfftt
Alien noises and senses
In surround sound.
Now the buffers:
Parallel whirling dervishes
Overcome my flanks
Blurs of scarlet, cherry, ruby, burgundy
Encompass me.
Immersed in a vortex.
The mop fibers become
Interstitial tissue.
Ensconced in blood ripe flesh
In pulsing walls;
A glowing red womb.
A hush, a settling force subdues me.
Anxiety melts into awe.
In trance state, rocking along with the car
I see myself hold my phone, point outward and capture
Candid frames of vibrant motion.
A choir of dryers appear,
Enormous black whistles affixed to the ceiling.
All remaining thoughts
Are vanquished by their dull whirring;
White noise more effective
Than any of my paid meditation apps.
Beads and rivulets of shining waters
Run across my vista
Driven by uncanny pressure
While my own PSI deflates.
An approaching signal flashes yellow:
Not yet, not yet, not yet.
Now green:
You are free, it telegraphs.
As I shift my transmission
Into Drive
I emerge the tunnel
A different person.
Overcast sun floods my dash.
My oft frenetic psyche is
Now as scoured and wrung out
As my vehicle’s undercarriage.
Relieved, revitalized;
Released.
