It's a burden to be
Phen-Ohhhhm-En-Al.
It's the tragedy
of a job well done:
Everybody, truly,
loves my baked goods.
To be blunt, if not demure:
Paul Hollywood Handshakes
are inevitable around here.
Woe is this Michelin-ish Baker.
And now,
on this Easter,
the buzz is buzzing
once more.
After an hour of Sunday maceration,
my berries in heart form and
resurrected as sugary gems,
are ready to grace the surface
of my exquisite verdant field of cream,
in turn nestled in shortcrust.
I carry the tart to the dining room.
I hoist it to my front, as if a prize fish.
Pose with it like it's my Hinge pic.
[Let's be honest, a Brad could never!
I bring all the swipes to the yard.]
My sister captures a snap
on her iphone.
Proof of my perfection
is in both the pic and the pudding.
[PIP: Poem-in-a-Poem bonus!]
It's my Showstopper:
Strawberry Pistachio
Red and green Tart Joy.
I grace the feast table with my
dish, one three days in the making.
I admonish the gathered diners,
with 1:1 ratio of drama to warning.
I announce, like That Person:
"I hope you ALL ENJOY THIS,
because this is the very
FIRST AND LAST TIME
you will ever eat this dish!"
(I am a believer in
Unreasonable Hospitality.
Am I doing it right?)
The eager holiday guests
feast upon my elegant,
indulgent, ruby chartreuse glory.
Their hungry mouths devour
the forkfuls of luscious cream,
crunchy nut, crisp crust
and sweet berry morsels.
The way their eyes each roll back
in their heads like a school of sharks
in a chummed water feeding frenzy
belies that they did not heed me.
And, gosh dangit, then they all groan.
They sigh.
Their faces alit with pleasure.
And the relative who never, ever
touches dessert, asks for seconds.
Seconds!!!
Thoughtlessly, they exclaim:
They want it again!
They want it more!
They want it next time!
Fools! Did they not listen?
No of course they didn't.
And now I am condemned
to creating this tour de force
a - g - a - i - n.
I see it. I hear it.
I grimace.
It has been foretold
by their moans.
This is the new family favorite.
I take a bite, and I have to agree.
It was an all-day prep
plus a second all-day bake
plus a third half-day of finishing.
A marathon
bout of perfectionism that
resulted in a transcendent dish.
A true Showstopper.
I have fallen, so very deeply,
into
the
Tart Trap (TM).
