What does it mean to feel Safe?
Don't ask a woman;
we could not often tell you.
What it feels like to be Unsafe?
The lack of safety, the absence of peace?
This is our de facto state,
our homeostasis of cortisol and darting eyes.
What we could write on this,
could fill infinite Libraries of Alexandria.
Which we, with nary a persuading
from Caesar necessary —
could be inclined to torch,
spreading embers on sacred scrolls,
turning dark knowledge
of men's misdeeds into airborne ashes,
lighting the way from from the wars of men
to the illumination of the Matriarchy.
What has my thoughts on fire tonight?
It's my revelation that
the lump of molded black plastic
that is anchored to the side
of my slim public restroom stall
— right above the loo's swirling waters —
is meant for me to stow my cocktail.
Why would a woman bring a drink
into the toilet with them?
Let's unpack that.
Because leaving a drink
unattended in the theatre
is Asking For It.
This tony theatre in the heart of D.C.
has chosen to invest in
stow-while-you-wee-devices
instead of beefing up on security.
Because the management has decided
it would be impossible for a woman
to walk away for seven minutes
in search of a bio break at intermission
and come back to her seat to find
an unadulterated drink awaiting her.
When Women's Perma-Vigilance
is systematically manufactured into our culture,
rather than holding out
an expectation of Men's Civility,
we have already lost.
Not all Men.
But so many.
Not all Men cause harm
but nearly no Women go unharmed.
I hate this, and I want to reject it.
But then,
I stare at my own pant-covered legs
in the reflection of the loo wall.
And I am confronted.
Reminded with this evidence
that I consciously picked my outfit
to be Rape Resistant.
I had earlier in the afternoon,
selected to wear pants tonight
over the sequined skirt I had in mind
because I have but a sole ticket.
Venturing to a nighttime concert alone,
I have no one to stand guard,
wide-stance solidly next to me,
protecting me in dark corners.
And this is why,
from March 2023 to December 2024,
some lucky women of the world experienced
a fleeting phenomena: the feeling of safety.
As so many news articles
and social media posts attested,
concertgoers at the Taylor Swift Eras tour
never felt so safe
as being surrounded by 76,000 strangers.
Because on those nights,
in those glittering,
sequined and beaded bracelet-filled stands,
the Women — and Theys and Gays — were in charge.
And to my knowledge,
during that tour,
millions upon millions of women
were able to turn to the female
stranger next to them and say,
"Would you do me a solid and watch my drink?
I'll be right back; ya want anything from the Merch stand?"
And they came back to a safe drink,
and a happy seat,
and a warm embrace of joy.
